Nov 9, 2009

How H. R. 3962 Was Passed - Satire Piece

It has been reported that B.O. had an emergency meeting with his Democrat "posse" before the House vote on H. R. 3962 passed in the middle of the night. By using my exceptional abilities to go back in time and secretly listen in on the meeting, this is what I saw and heard!

The following is a true story. Only the names of the innocent have been changed to protect their identity.

Flashes of lightning briefly shown through the closed curtains of the darkened room. Through the veil of blue smoke produced by a smoldering Cuban cigar, dark forms were huddled before a lone figure as he stood before them. Only the sound of rain tapping against the roof and the occasional bout of thunder broke the deathly silence within.

“I am greatly displeased,” said the man finally in his deep baritone voice. “Pelosi, tell me why I should consider your efforts on my behalf as a success.”

Her voice shaking in fear, her second chin trembling in motion with her body, she replied, “Don Obama, I have worked hard for your glorious vision! Through my efforts and those of the Association for Community Organization Reform Now we were -”

“Enough!” shouted the tall figure as he pointed his Cuban, ash falling from it’s lit tip. “I am well aware of ACORN’s efforts on my behalf! Through them, many votes were bought! If it wasn’t for those two students who infiltrated and exposed them, they would still be fighting strongly for our cause! Secretary Napolitano, please explain how you managed to let two people, barely in their 20’s expose my operation?”

Sweat glistening on the pale skin of her brow, Napolitano slowly stood up. “Don Obama, (peace be upon you), they were plants of the freedom loving Capitalists. Who knew that they would have the audacity to –? “

“Dare you use ‘audacity’ in my presence?” The Don asked, visibly shaking with rage. “Do you not remember my slogan, ‘The Audacity to Hope’?”

“Forgive my ignorance, great one (peace be upon you)!” replied Napolitano and she quickly sat down with her head lowered. The others in the room shuffled aside in an attempt to place some distance between them and her. It was obvious that they were not eager to share in her fate.

“Our situation is shaky,” the deep voice continued. “Patriots have risen throughout their country opposing my plan. I own an automotive giant, banking industries, and the news media.” He gave a silent nod to Keith Olbermann who sat proudly, smiling as a lost puppy. Reaching out to gently pat the lap dog at his feet, the Don continued, “However, my ‘Health Care Reform’ bill seems to have halted in Congress. It may be that my plans will be stopped well short of their intended conclusion. For your sakes, I hope someone has a plan to resolve this critical issue.”

Sensing a way to redeem herself in the eyes of her master, Pelosi shot to her feet. “Oh but we do, oh great one (peace be upon you)! Thanks to the efforts of our unofficial allies, America is in mourning for her lost soldiers in Fort Hood. Now is the time to strike! I intend to allow the conservatives to modify H. R. 3962 so that government money will not be used to fund abortions except in rare cases such as rape or,” she snickered evilly, ”cases where the mother’s life is threatened. Of course, we’ll make sure the American public stays uninformed to the truth that with our medical technology it is almost impossible – well, at least until this bill is passed.”

Her second chin swinging with renewed effort, she continued. “Then to prevent our enemies in talk radio and, I hesitate to say their name, Fox News, from fighting this, we’ll leak that the vote may not come until next week. We’ll hold debate deep into the night, and while the majority of American’s are asleep, we’ll vote on the bill. I’m pretty certain that with the abortion amendments, we will be able to garnish enough votes.”

Silence filled the room as the Don stared long and hard at the bold Speaker of the House while taking the occasional draw on his Cuban. After enough silence had filled the room in an apparent effort to impress the gravity of the situation on those in attendance, the Don spoke, “Your plan has merit. I will look past your previous failures if you manage to keep your word to me, this time. Be it known, however, that if you fail me in this, your future as my political voice to Congress will be in doubt… perhaps permanently. Do we have an understanding?”

The bold smile that was plastered on Pelosi’s mouth disappeared instantly. Not even the injections of Botox could not prevent her face from revealing the truth of her situation. “I… I understand, oh great one (p - peace be upon you),” she stammered. “I will not fail you!”

“See to it that you do not,” the Don replied.

Hours later found the Don sitting alone in the once filled room. The storm outside had strengthened with thunder echoing off the close walls. Yet he wore a smile. Pelosi’s plan had worked. H. R. 3962 had passed in the middle of the night, 220 for, 215 against.

Who are the innocents, you may ask? There are no innocents.

Although this is a satire piece, it's not hard to extrapolate that something along these lines occurred. Deception, threats and middle of the night meetings along with bribery seems to be the way the Chicago machine in the White House does business. Let us hope that the Senate will not fall to such strong arm tactics.

1 comment:

Rushlight said...

" her second chin trembling in motion with her body,"